Cultivating Happiness

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” ~ John Lennon

The quizzical adults expected young John Lennon to respond with the name of a profession or career, but he answered with something he thought was much more important, his desired mental state.

For many of us, happiness is a result of some external circumstance, but it doesn’t have to be. The methods listed below will, I hope, put the power back in your hands and give you the means to choose happiness when and wherever you want.

Absorbing the Moment

When you savor something you allow yourself to enjoy it so much that you want it to continue without end. In the process of savoring you stay with the positive such that it blocks out the negative.

I most enjoy the things I do when I am totally absorbed in a task or moment, losing sense of time and place. I pay attention to the most descriptive things in moments that make me laugh, smile, or feel comfortable.

Some of the simple things I like to savor include some of the beautiful parts of life such as the sight of children laughing, the foam on top of my morning latte, a flower, clouds and sunshine. Letting yourself linger with the experience and notice where you feel it in your body, it could be a warm feeling around your heart or a sense of peace. There are opportunities everywhere!

One of the special moments I always hold deep in my heart and reminisce is the many times my best buddies and I would spend our free periods driving up to Ventura Blvd and walking around small shops, trying new food, and grabbing some coffee. After such a long day in school, we'd just relax and take a break from all the overwhelming work we had and laugh with each other. These moments always brought joy and excitement to my heart and endless possibilities to end the day.

So, pause for a moment and consciously be aware of things you want to remember later, such as the sound of a loved one’s chuckle, or a touching moment between two family members.

Invest in relationships

Friends and family help you celebrate life's successes and support you in difficult times. Although it's easy to take friends and family for granted, these relationships need nurturing.

Build up your emotional account with kind words and actions. Be careful and gracious with critique. Let people know that you appreciate what they do for you or even just that you're glad they're part of your life.

A lack of social connections tended to have disastrous consequences, as explained in the Harvard Study of Adult Development.

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“The experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic,” says Robert Waldinger, the study’s current director. “People who are more isolated than they want to be find that they are less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain functioning declines sooner and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely.”

Watch a TED talk on the study

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I learned this lesson the hard way.

When I first started college in UCLA, I didn’t know a single person in any of my classes. I was young and ready for an adventure, and I wasn’t concerned at all about not knowing anyone. Within a couple months I had found myself occupied with plenty of work, commuting to campus early and leaving campus early to go home and relax, but some things still didn’t feel right.

It took me quite a few months to pin down exactly why, but finally it became clear: I am lonely. Regardless of what else I had, what I really needed to be happy was to feel connected in some way with my environment. Thankfully, I decided to stop being so stubborn and open myself to talking to others and making meaningful relationships. In many ways, I felt like I had more energy and motivation to get through the hard times in my classes. Being able to relate my experiences to my friends really takes the edge off the tough times.

Express gratitude

Gratitude is more than saying thank you. It's a sense of wonder, appreciation and, yes, thankfulness for life. It's easy to go through life without recognizing your good fortune. Often, it takes a serious illness or other tragic event to jolt people into appreciating the good things in their lives. Don't wait for something like that to happen to you.

I used to hate taking the metro bus to and from school in high school. And, another thing, I used to hate walking 2 miles to reach the bus stop. But, I found a way to love it.

Every time I walked the same distance and stepped into the bus, I found a lot of things to appreciate: the chirping birds, the beautiful sky, the spring flowers blooming in the neighborhood, the exchanging of smiles and new conversations with passengers, the brief stop I'd make to the coffee shop on my way to school and saying hello to Mandy, the owner of the shop.

“Every flower is a soul blossoming in nature.” – Gerard De Nerval

By appreciating everything everywhere, I turned things I hated into things I enjoyed.

Expressing gratitude to yourself and your body is also something I constantly value. I think this picture explains it all, it's so beautiful.

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“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” ~William Arthur Ward

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Smile and Laugh!

It happens. You're feeling down and need a quick pick-me-up. Or maybe you've found yourself in a silly argument you realize you'd like to get out of. You want to make things better in any little way you can, fast. What can you do? Smile!

Smiling really is powerful in and of itself. You can change your own mood just through smiling, and you can do the same for those around you.

Anytime I feel down, upset, or unmotivated, I constantly find myself turning to my brother. He has always been like a best friend to me, someone who easily helps me to put a smile on my face and give me a good laugh, even when I think it's impossible for me to lighten up. His infectious laughter is the medicine I cannot spend a day without.

Whether you're the person delivering a smile or the person receiving it, we have a powerful tool to change our mood, our experience, and the world around us.